One Love
by AlinaLotus
Summary: Amidst loss, one finds a way out as another finds a reason to return. Lasts and firsts were all a distant memory anyway. Or that's what he's told himself. NaruSasu, KakaSaku.


**Written for Amblurance. This is so much longer then I intended it to be...sorry about that. Warnings are language, AU, mslash, and attempted suicide. YEESH. Read if you dare.**

**x indicates flashback.**

_When I wake, I see you _

_Lying there on the bathroom floor _

_With foam lips, a black kiss _

_You're dead heroine, I miss_

_One love, in your eyes now, look afraid_

_ Beyond human aid_

_The demon, your ghost eyes _

_Watching me run through our lives _

_A soft look, in silence _

_Misery come and find us _

_Well don't try to stop me I'm headed straight to hell down_

_ I want you, I need you now_

_One love, in your eyes now, look afraid_

_ Beyond human aid_

_The last night, you were here _

_Your words were so meaningful with reprise we'll suffer _

_I thought your ruse was so fak_e

Sometimes Naruto thinks it would have been better if Sasuke had committed suicide. He basically did that anyway, deserted the village and his friends, a life that if he had given just a little more effort to, he could have lived. But killing himself, instead of allowing Orochimaru to, would've given him some control.

It also would've made the pain of losing him easier to bear. If there was such a thing as pain that's easy to bear. Naruto used to crave love; he was foolish then. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Because before Iruka-sensei, he'd never had anybody to love, or anybody that loved him. So it was simple to think, yes, the grass is greener on the other side. And even after Iruka became more like a father than teacher, that bliss still remained, because Iruka would have died rather than hurt Naruto.

But Sasuke...well, he seemed to thrive off it, off of hurting him. But the small slights, the insults, Naruto could take those. It wasn't like he didn't return the favor to the youngest Uchiha, and it was more their relationship than not anyway.

And even then, Naruto used to think he knew all there was to know about loss. No family, no friends, no respect or dignity. Yes, he was a master of solitude.

It was easy for him to mask this over with a loud, carrying voice and exuberant laugh. He didn't need anybody, anything, but his own discipline. After all, the first rule of being a ninja was to never let emotions get in the way of the mission. So he could have a false demeanor, that was easy enough to portray.

But then Sasuke broke his _real _heart.

* * *

Sakura's jade eyes were masked with her medical distance, as always. Naruto had to hand it to her; she could rival Sai when it came to concealing her true feelings. Her fingers gripped his wrist, testing his pulse. She made an undefinable mark on his chart, then placed her stethoscope under his sweatshirt. "Deep breath."

"So...you and Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto ventured, wincing as the cold metal pressed into his chest.

Something flashed through Sakura's eyes for a moment, something excited and slightly girlish, but it was a split second and she narrowed her gaze at Naruto before she answered. "That's not really any of your business."

"I think it's more my business then anyone's. If something is going on between my teammates, I have a right to know."

Sakura tossed her hair over her shoulder, her gaze turning into a slight glare. "That's funny, I didn't know that rule existed, considering you and Sasuke were fucking every which way and didn't tell a soul."

Naruto's hands clenched the examination table, but he said nothing. He really wasn't in the mood to argue.

Sakura sighed, slinging her stethoscope around her neck. She slid down into her stool, sliding away from the table to get a thermometer.

"I'm...sorry. I didn't mean it like that." She placed a comforting hand on Naruto's knee, standing up and holding the thermometer out for him. "Yes, alright? Kakashi and I. It was...not planned. These things," Sakura stuck the thermometer in Naruto's mouth before he could reply, "just happen. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wanted it for a long time, though. The same applied with him, apparently. You can understand that, right, Naruto?"

**x**

"Fuck you, asshole!" Naruto screamed, throwing every kunai he had at Sasuke. Sasuke dodged them, his scowl deepening as he sent two shuriken back at Naruto. "Time to pay the piper, I'm here to collect!" Naruto lunged at Sasuke, just fast enough to grip Sasuke's shirt.

"Funny," Sasuke said, wrapping his hands around Naruto's wrists, "I would have thought he'd send someone bigger."

That was the final straw. Naruto did only what he could do then, to wipe that stupid _arrogant_ smirk off Sasuke's face--he kissed him. Blue eyes looked into red ones for a moment, wide and shocked but not, Naruto would realize later, disappointed. The sky tilted, the ground fell out from under his feet, and Naruto thought that yeah, _this_ was what it was like when you found the person you were supposed to kiss for the rest of your life.

Closing the gap between their bodies and deepening the kiss, it was obvious Sasuke felt the same.

**x**

Naruto eyed the cabinet behind Sakura. It was paned with glass, and he could see the markings on the little bottles proclaiming them as various narcotics. "Sakura," he said, a plan already formulated in his mind, "Could I have a soda? I mean," Naruto pointed to his body which was clad only in a hospital gown. He'd long since gotten used to the fact that Sakura nearly always performed the physicals, and better a close friend, in his opinion, than Ino, who frequently discussed the endowments of her patients with the rest of the village. Not that he had anything to be ashamed of, of course.

"Sure, I have to get these to Shizune anyway." Sakura held up a stack of medical charts. "I'll be right back." She said, before shutting the door behind her. Naruto jumped off the table, jiggling the handle of the cabinet. It was locked tight, as he knew it would be. He'd have to find a way to get the key...no, that would take too much time and there was too much room for something to go wrong. He could always wait until Sakura was done with the room, then sneak back in and break into the cabinet.

_"...considering you and Sasuke were fucking every which way..."_ Naruto bit his lip, tasting blood, as the words ran through his mind. He took a deep breath, focusing his chakra down his arm. He gave a great tug on the cupboard door, and it ripped clean off its hinges. Naruto hastily grabbed a few bottles, stuck them in the pockets of his pants that were folded at the end of the exam table, and set the now-broken door carefully against the shelves, so it looked like nothing had happened to it. As long as Sakura didn't try to open it...

Hearing her approaching footsteps, he slid back onto the table, making sure his pants pockets didn't look too lumpy.

"Here ya go." Sakura tossed Naruto a cold can of soda. "You can get dressed now. I've got my next patient."

There was a knock on the door before it swung open. "Yo." Kakashi said, his eye creased at Naruto.

"Oh man," Naruto said, cringing, "you guys are gonna play some sick game, right? What, she's your doctor and your her patient?"

Sakura spluttered angrily, looking ready to start throwing punches, but Kakashi merely shrugged, a contemplative look on his face. "I might be the doctor this time..."

Naruto shook his head, dressing at top speed. "Sakura..." He paused, turning around. This might be his last chance...if all went according to plan.

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For...everything. And you too, Kakashi-sensei. You guys..." Naruto paused for a moment. If ever there were reasons to live, to fight on, it was the two people in front of him. And Iruka-sensei, who'd never let him down. And Konohamaru, who idolized him. And Lee, who always believed in him. But all of these people combined, all of their friendship and compassion, couldn't overshadow the gaping void that Sasuke had left in his now worthless life. Lasts and firsts were all a distant memory anyway. Or that's what he told himself, what he had to tell himself. "...you guys have a good day." He finished, turning away from them and sprinting down the hallway.

* * *

**x**

Chapped lips held firmly against his own, salty tears down his face. At this point, he didn't know if they were his own or Sasuke's.

"You've been alone from the start," Sasuke's voice was like poison and chocolate, death on the tip of your tongue, thick and sticky when it was melting in the palm of your hand. "What the hell do you know."

His punch shocked Naruto from his daze, and he could already feel blood trickling from his nose over his lips. "You, Sasuke! I know you! You made it so I wasn't alone, for the first time I could see the light!"

Sasuke turned his back to Naruto, lifted his hand. "Goodbye...dobe." He said, and though he didn't seem to know it, he ran away, an unattainable blur, with all of the things that were, in Naruto, human.

**x**

* * *

"It's obsession." Tsunade looked up at Sakura and Kakashi, her chin rested on her intertwined knuckles.

Sakura shook her head. "No, it's much deeper than that. I don't know what it is, but it's scary. I want to fix it, to help him."

"The only person that can do that is Naruto." Kakashi said. He was leaning up against a row of filing cabinets, his arms folded across his chest.

Tsunade shrugged. "If every squad I sent after that pain in the ass didn't come back with most of their members dead, I might consider making Sasuke a priority mission. But even the ANBU can't infiltrate Orochimaru. If Sasuke wanted to come back, he would. Naruto is going to have to learn the hard way that sometimes, people never come back."

Sakura ran her fingers through her hair. She knew her sensei and boyfriend both were right, but it didn't stop the heavy sinking of her heart.

* * *

"Do not mix with alcohol." Naruto held the pill bottle up to the light. He shrugged, taking a long gulp of the decanter of gin he'd nicked from Tsunade's office the last time he'd been in there. He shook a couple of the pills into his hand, knocking them back with a quick swallow and another swig of alcohol.

The right thing to do, he knew, was to take a few pills and wait a little while before taking more. If you swallowed a whole bottle of heavy narcotics all at once, your body would simply attempt to purge itself of them. But waiting in between doses assured that the drugs would enter your system, shutting it down. It may be a slower way of dying than others, but it was the least painful and the most effective, he figured. He'd had enough pain in his life. He at least deserved to drift off peacefully, numb and hazy and uncaring. It was the least Karma could grant him.

He checked the clock above his bed, then shook out a few more pills into the palm of his hand.

* * *

"I'm just doing this to humor you," Kakashi said, running behind Sakura as she all but flew down the street towards Naruto's apartment.

"Get used to that." She said vaguely, huffing to a stop as the traffic light changed and vehicles zoomed inches from them.

"I'm sure it was just some junkie intern, Sakura." Kakashi said, making another attempt to placate her, although why was beyond him. She never had listened to him, not when her mind was made up, so what the hell made him think she'd start now?

Sakura thew him a dirty look. "Yes because those are _so_ common, with the insane background checks and random drug tests that Tsuande makes every staff member under go. Look, if it was an intern or a medic or a nurse, they would have a key. There'd be no reason to break the medicine cabinet."

Kakashi sighed, his hands in his pockets.

"Best-case scenario, we break into his apartment and find he's sleeping or puking his guts up from eating too much fucking ramen. No big. Worst-case..." Sakura shuddered. "Don't even make me go there. I can't...I _won't_..." Sakura's voice trembled, but Kakashi was next to her in an instant.

"Please don't," He said softly, wrapping his arms around her "don't cry. I can't stand it when you do."

Sakura shook her head, the tears falling anyway. "If I lose another one," She began, but Kakashi covered her mouth with his own. He couldn't bear to hear her say the words because he thought too that, like her, if he lost another comrade he might just lose himself.

* * *

He had never really wondered what death would be like. Cold, he assumed, cold and unrelenting, but all in all an escape. Not a sweet release, he was sure, but a release nonetheless and that's really what he was after.

But the smell of antiseptic and harsh florescent lights burning against his eyelids? Must be some kind of purgatory for ditching so many doctor's appointments...Sakura did say she'd carry his ass to hell herself if he skipped another one.

"Clear!" He heard a voice, hard and gritty and determined. Faint, familiar. Demanding. Fearful. No, that wasn't right...she was always fearless. It was like she didn't know _how_ to be scared. He'd always admired that about her, wondered how she did it. He figured it had to with her extensive training, many years of experience on and off the battlefield, and having everything taken from her.

But that's why he'd never be like her. She had taken her pain, overcome it, and become Hokage. He had taken his pain, had let it fester and linger before ending it all.

His body jolted, electricity pumping through his veins, hot and overwhelming. His eyes snapped open then squeezed shut, his lungs expanding, gasping for air.

"Get back!" Another familiar voice. High this time, full of desperation. He hadn't heard _that_ in her voice for so long...not for years, any way. She'd really grown so much, trained to become the best kunoichi by far in the village, easily on par with her master. Huh. Had he done the same thing? He couldn't really say. He'd failed at everything that had ever mattered, and no amount of training from Iruka (the kindest man he knew) or Kakashi (the quickest man he knew) or Jiraiya (the most powerful man he knew) had prepared him for the life he was forced to lead.

"Vitals are stable!" A third voice...she had a unique strength, this one. A calmness when it came to her missions, to saving lives. She was by far the only person in the village, besides Sakura as far as he knew, that could stand Tsunade for extended periods of time. She watered down her Lady's sake in attempts to save her health, to try and calm her addictions. She spent hours pouring over paperwork so the other office assistants could go home to their families. She would go out on a limb for anybody and everybody, and was first and foremost concerned with the safety of Konoha and its inhabitants.

He felt himself moving, now. What the hell was going on, anyway? Dying wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't awareness and people you'd left behind. Unless...but no, it couldn't be! He'd taken two entire bottles, forty pills, a bottle of gin...

"That was a close one." Tsunade said. "That damn kid doesn't deserve this." He felt something being lifted from his neck, and could picture in his mind the wistful expression in her eyes as she contemplated ripping her--his--necklace from him. "But a promise is a promise." The stone dropped to his chest with a muffled thud.

"Next time, we'll trust Sakura's instincts sooner. Thank goodness she and Kakashi-san arrived when they did. Another few minutes without medical attention and he might've been...well, we may have lost him for good." Shizune said, her voice close to his ear. He could feel her fiddling with something in his arm. An IV, he assumed.

"I want you to deduct from his next paycheck the amount of a new stomach pump. Didn't think we'd get all that shit out. And then the idiot had to go and flat line..." Tsunade said, as though Naruto were a troublesome child who kept getting in the way.

He heard footsteps...running, the uneven sound of rubber treads on linoleum. The footsteps skidded to a stop, and he heard a door bang open. "Is he--?" Sakura asked, clutching at the wall.

Shizune gave her a tired smile. "He'll be okay. He needs to be under watch for a while, but other than that..."

"I think it's best if we keep him tranquilized." Tsunade said. "His system is flushed now, we should be okay. I don't want him trying to escape."

"Of course, Lady Tsunade." Shizune said, leaving the room.

"Sakura." Tsunade said, snapping Sakura's attention to her. "I need you to dispatch Sai and Kakashi immediately."

"For what, my Lady?" Sakura asked, surprised. Kakashi had, just that day, returned from a mission. It's why he had shown up at the hospital, to have a few minor injuries treated.

Tsuande sighed. "I didn't think it would ever come to this. But Naruto...he's got something special. I've come to a decision, Sakura. I want Naruto to succeed me, when I'm no longer around. And that sure as hell is not going to happen if he can't either get Sasuke back, or get closure. It isn't likely that he'll get over him, so I guess that leaves us with one option."

Naruto's heart convulsed. They were going after Sasuke? But--

"I'm going with them." Sakura said. "It's only fair."

Tsunade shook her head. "No, Sakura. Naruto's condition is stable right now, but if anything were to happen, I want you here. You need to keep an eye on him."

"But my Lady--"

"No buts, Sakura." Tsunade snapped. She sighed again, placing a hand on Sakura's shoulder. "I know it feels like you're being left behind. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is let others take the burden. So do your job, Sakura, which is first and foremost a medic-nin."

Shizune reappeared in the room. "Would you mind, Sakura? I promised I'd see to Jiraiya. He's a wreck in the waiting room. Thank goodness Kakashi-san and Shikamaru are holding him back, or he'd crash in here."

Tsunade swore. "That _bafoon_." She muttered, following Shizune out of the room.

"Right," Sakura said, shutting the door after them. "If you can hear me Naruto you better listen up!" She tugged on his IV tubing, attaching a bag to the hook above his bed. "I'll be damned if I'm not going on this mission. I saved your life because your my friend--my _brother_--and I'll do this last thing for you, I'll bring Sasuke back! But if you ever scare me again, I'll spare you your suicidal tendencies and kill you myself!" She then flung herself on top of him, squeezing him a little harder than was necessary. As he felt the tranquilizers enter his system, he heard the sound of a window opening then closing.

* * *

Kakashi, while maybe the best choice for the mission, was out of the question. He'd never, over his dead body (though Sakura might consider, for fraction of a second anyway, granting him that) let her on this mission. So her choices were limited, but as long as they left the village undetected, they could get out of tracking range, at least for a little while, and that was all she needed.

She raced away from the hospital deciding that the best choices were, aside from Sai, either Neji or Lee, when she saw a blur of black pass her. She stopped, dumbfounded, staring up the street she'd just run down.

She whirled around on one foot, gripping a kunai in her hand.

* * *

"What do you mean, she's missing? Fucking hell, do I have to put a cowbell on all the ninja in my village?" Tsunade roared, her hands thrown up in the air. Shizune had rushed to her five minutes ago, slightly hysterical. After leaving Sakura with Naruto, they had been the last to see her.

Kakashi was already out looking, another _not_-needed pain in Tsunade's ass. He'd immediately summoned his gang of dogs and sent them to all corners of the village. God knew how much she'd have to up the taxes to pay for all the damage they would do in their rampage. Or maybe she'd just deduct all of Kakashi's mission payments and deposit them directly into the main budget...but then she'd only send him on S-rank missions to get the highest payouts, and it was inevitable that he would, the useless lump, die in action...

"I forbade her to leave this village. I swear it's like talking to a brick wall these days! Does anybody listen to me, doesn't anybody _give a damn_ about--"

"My lady." Tsunade and Shizune looked up. A silent, shocked minute later, their jaws dropped.

* * *

"_Sit. There._" Sakura kicked a stool toward him. It rolled to a stop, and he lowered himself to it, firmly planting his feet on the ground.

"This is preliminary. Assuming that the Fifth readmits you into the village-" Kakashi began, but was interrupted.

"When can I see him." It wasn't a question. He never asked questions, and they all knew it. Everything was a command, a demand. Not much really changes about a person, Sakura mused.

"That's not something you should concern yourself with right now." Sakura said coldly. She was torn between fury and elation, between stop and go.

"Yet it's the only reason I came back. So I'd say it's the only thing I_ should_ be concerned about."

"That piss-poor attitude isn't going to get you anywhere, princess." Tsunade said, slapping down a file on the desk in front of her. "You defected from this village, killed and majorly injured more of my ninja then I care to count, and have been a chronic migraine that no amount of sake can cure. You have blood on your hands that is never going to wash away. You say you came back for Naruto, but he almost lost his life because of your choices."

"I realize--"

"SASUKE!" Sakura screamed, rushing at him. She picked him up by his collar, slamming him into the edge of the table directly behind him. "This is not about you! For once, this is not all about you! It's about Naruto, it's about how you fucking left him, how you _ruined_ him!"

Kakashi stood, grabbing Sakura from behind. Catching her unawares, he was able to pull her from Sasuke. "Sakura, please," he said, holding her chin between his thumb and index finger.

"_Heh._ Figures that you'd run into his arms. It's tragic and a little more than cliche. But I suppose it works." Sasuke held his fingers in a rectangle, as though viewing Kakashi and Sakura through a camera lense.

Sakura nodded, locking eyes with Kakashi, the usual calming sensation that came with his close presence washing over her. Kakashi squeezed her bicep gently.

"You know, you really should be thanking me. Orochimaru and Kabuto are dead by my hand. I realized that whatever madness there was between them, neither could give me what I ultimately sought."

Tsunade folded her arms against her considerable chest. "And that might be?"

Sasuke chuckled wryly. "Well," he said, retaking his seat on the stool and spinning around slowly. "They say you don't know what you have until you've lost it. I suppose that I'm a prisoner of that as well."

"If you think you can just waltz in here like nothing happened--" Sakura made to lunge at him again, but a voice from the doorway stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Sasuke." Naruto's voice was hoarse, his eyes unbelieving.

Sasuke stood, moving with swift grace to Naruto. They stood in front of each other, looking into each other's faces. No words seemed to be necessary, and every one in the room waited with bated breath.

Then Sasuke bent down, one arm around Naruto's back, the other under his knees, and scooped him into his arms. "What are you doing?" Sakura demanded, brushing Kakashi's hand from her shoulder.

Sasuke looked back at her. "What I have is not a dream, for I will make it a reality." He quoted himself--his former self, who at the moment did not seem like such a distant memory.

Naruto clung to him, breathing like there was new life in him, and Sakura then had no choice. She had to do what was best for Naruto, no matter what feelings of resentment and loss and murderous anger she had for Sasuke.

Kakashi brushed his finger tips along Sakura's, and she sighed. "C'mon," she said, storming out of the room, pulling Kakashi with her. "He's in room six."

**Song used is One Love by Aiden. As always, feedback is ever appreciated.**


End file.
